Let's see, lets take 4 short stories written by the high school drama club and then ask a precocious 3rd grader to weave them together in the most contrived, random way possible. Ask the parents to let the kid watch "Crash" for use as a reference
I don't know that I've ever given less of a fuck about any characters in a movie since, well, ever. The only story-line that was remotely interesting, the one involving the deaf Japanese girl Cheiko, ended up being a bigger cock-tease than a dirty-talking virgin with the words "put it here" tattooed across her ass. The two buttholes who made this movie must have been sitting around thinking "hey, now that we've written the most banal screenplay of all time, let's put the only clue to what the hell was really going on with the only good character in a note briefly flashed on the screen written in Japanese -- and we'll leave out the subtitles! That'll generate some great internet traffic! Our movie will be cooler than "Snakes on a Plane"! We rock! Let's go find a mirror and masturbate to ourselves!"
Bill Maher asked on his show a few weeks ago, in reference to the newly bald and dumpy Britney Spears, whether it's possible to ever "un-masturbate" to someone. Sadly, the answer to that one is "no", just like it's not possible to ever "un-watch" the tripe that is "Babel". I give it -4 stars.
And to make matters worse, general principle now dictates that I break down and finally watch "Ishtar", just to see if it challenges the new upstart for the title of "worst movie of all time".
